There is a certain madness to repeating the same actions over and over, knowing that the outcome will be negative in the end.
Self destruction is so pure.
Is it that we loath ourselves? we who deliberately do that which we know will hurt us, hinder our attempts at being the people we wish to be.
Is striving to be more than we are even a worthy goal?
After all trying to change our ways is simply something that society embeds in our minds, I very much doubt that a solitary man living alone in the woods is going to worry much about whether or not he wasted too much time staring at the trees and not reading a book or training to be stronger. His focus is simply on whether he has enough food and a shelter for the evening, once those needs are met, having the freedom to laze around is a non issue.
I struggle constantly between the desire to be more than I am, and the rebellious part of my soul demanding a proper answer as to why it should bother changing or doing much of anything.
And damn me if I cannot come up with a logical reason as to why I should.
But I still crave it…
Life is a bitch. But at least I am still around to live it.