No tolerance for human weakness

  • A person is strong only when he stands upon his own truth, when he speaks and acts from his deepest convictions. Then, whatever the situation he may be in, he always knows what he must say and do. He may fall, but he cannot bring shame upon himself or his cause. -Mikhail Bakunin

I think if people were to describe me in one word many would say “harsh”.

I am not an easy person to get a long with in many ways. I am very playful, am always making jokes and being cuddly, yet I am very strongly opinionated and am not afraid to bluntly tell my thoughts to someone I just met.

Many people would say that we should not judge the actions of others because we do not know their lives and so how can we possibly say anything against them. Although I agree to a certain point that yes we cannot possibly understand all that went into a persons actions, if we are to have any value system at all then judgement must come. What truly  matters is that even when you judge someone, you must do it with an open mind, knowing that you do not fully know the whole story and be open to learning more to flesh out your understanding of the situation.

Turned inward, I believe that I am very honest and opinionated because I have no tolerance for human weakness. Growing up with my Father who just in so many aspects of his life could not get his shit together, I just became very very intolerant towards people who seem to just have zero capacity for self reflection and no proper push towards improving their own situations. Of course it is the worse hypocrisy because anyone can tell you that the biggest reason I am so harsh on people is because I am harsh on myself. I am a huge procrastinator, and constantly give up on most projects I set for myself. So I suppose it is anger and lack of compassion for my Father that bled into lack of compassion for my own failings, translated then onto anyone I meet.

I do not necessarily think of it as negative though, I am slowly working on my issues step by step through multiple habit formations, and I have in many ways come to terms with my Fathers issues. But I believe that in all things we should be honest, even brutally so, to those we know. Sure you might say it is none of your business and should not bother with someone else’s stuff, but I would rather be truthful to someone and hurt them then lie to them and make them believe something I do not think is true.

I think everyone needs different kinds of friends. You definitely want some friends who will just be able to comfort you in your time of need, who can just surround you with warmth and love. And you need people like me who, although I do believe it is a form of caring, will lift a mirror to your face and go this is who you are and what you are really doing, it is time to stop running from it.

It does not make me the most liked person in the world, but I can deal with that because my conscious is clear at the end of the day.

Every single time I have lied to people, the lie either served no purpose whatsoever and was done impulsively simply because I was too afraid to tell the truth, I think we do this because we desperately want people to like us and be happy with us so we will lie to a complete stranger for no other reason than we do not want to have to deal with the fall out even if it is completely redundant. Every other time I lied for serious things, I paid massive consequences for it down the line, even if it was a “white lie” done to save someone I cared for from hurt, they eventually found out or suffered in another way because I was being untruthful.

And I of course suffered from lying as well. My integrity was broken, and I have lost many people a long the way because of it.

I have a tattoo that says Fortis est veritas. The truth is strong.

And I believe that to be the guiding value towards a society where we as individuals can be free and happy with ourselves and with those around us.

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